Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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