no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
