i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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