I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
