my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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