just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
