You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
