I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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