I haven't been this sober since birth.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize