please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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