And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
