; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
