Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
