i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
