i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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