Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its about making memories worth repressing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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