This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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