I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
