So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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