I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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