he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
