yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
