brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
