i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
