Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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