Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
