I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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