I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
