You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
