why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize