you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Randomize
