Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
bring money and cleavage
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
