the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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