Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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