I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
