Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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