Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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