That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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