I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
