Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
