Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I touched a dick in church today
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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