Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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