Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
