Don't you send me to vm
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
