Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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