And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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