there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
