I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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