i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
