one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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