just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
