don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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