Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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