Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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