i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize