from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
