I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
