are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
