eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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