Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
