you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
