mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
