I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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