I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have post one night stand depression
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