We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
