Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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